Okay. It has been quite a while. Somehow, I got off track. Not just off track posting wise, but in my whole life. My life has been going down hill lately, and I couldn’t discover a reason as to why this was happening. Just today, I realized it all. It’s my fault- I am Letting it happen. I’m not blaming myself in some bad way, but I know I am guilty of this. I have had the opportunity to change, but for some reason I haven’t taken it.
Maybe it is time.
I feel like it is time to change. I’ve been thinking about ‘change’ for quite a while now, but haven’t really thought about it. I haven’t delved deep.
Why am I using weird words? This grammar probably makes no sense. Excuse me for this. I am keeping this post raw, though. Just gonna let it flow, and keep it unedited. That’s how I like my work.
Alright. So diving into the change. I realize there are many things I need to change about myself and my lifestyle. Diet, exercise, yadda yadda. Those things are SO important, as I’m becoming unhealthy, but I think the most important thing right now is my mind. I feel like my mind is un-developing itself. I feel like I am in no way as smart or clever as I used to be. So this should be my prime focus.
This is pretty much just me thinking out loud (~typing as I think). So you guys can get a feel for where I am at. Anyway~I can’t focus.
I guess to improve my mind I should start reading more. Writing more. Apparently that is my conclusion. It isn’t really the answer, though. I think I just need to process things more. Like I am doing right now. Writing, actually thinking things through. Though my thoughts are all Jumbled and don’t make the best sense, at least I am thinking things over. I haven’t done much of that lately.
So that must be my new conclusion. Think. Think about things. Learn about things. Then think more. Think about and process everything that passes by and through me. This should be good for me, I think.
OKAY. On other news. I have other issues! Woo. But they are issues I am solving. As I said at the beginning, I have been going downhill. I have lost myself. Besides things mentioned, I realize there is one very big issue at the middle of it all. It is Love.
Yes, Love for myself. I looked through a bunch of my old photo albums on my computer. Comparing last year to this year. Last year I seemed so happy- genuinely happy- and proud of myself. This year, I’m just in a slump, with self-hatred all around. I need to start LOVING myself. How did I not realize that this was the problem?
I should probably think more on my own. I have so much in my mind at the moment. But here you go, guys. A bit into my crazy mind. I’ll have more craziness, and hopefully some new real work (poetry, short stories, things) soon. And I promise this time! I’ll be back up soon. :) Take care. Hope you appreciate my jumble, haha.